On Valentines Day 2017, my wife, the love of my life, unexpectedly as a result of a recently diagnosed cancer, died of sepsis. My life was shattered!!!
Looking back on the years from 2017 to today 2024, I have learned how to move from extreme sadness to the happiness I feel today. From what I have experienced and through the workshops I have attended and the books I have read, I have developed a model for happiness.
In the early stages it was my loving family and caring friends that were there for me. These were people that cared for me, that challenged me and never stopped talking about my wife and the wonderful relationship we had. When you hit rock bottom you realise just how important relationships are.
In order to get myself moving and out of my comfort zone I did an eight week course on mindfulness plus a ten week course on improving my SLR photography. The two courses proved to be an amazing combination, enabling me to be in the moment and to see the beauty all around me through the lens of my camera. It identified two valuable drivers of happiness; learning and growing and practising mindfulness. In the process I was having fun, enjoying the company of other people.
Getting out of the house and meeting new people through the University of the Third Age resulted in me discovering pickleball and loving it. I also went on to learn indoor bowls and how to play very average (but fun) bridge. My wonderful German Shepherd Thandi gave me a reason each day to get up and go walking, and my family gave me the opportunity to join them on longer walks. I realise how important keeping fit and well is to my overall happiness.
Then out of the blue a pal from my working life asked me to run a leadership programme for a small team based in Torpoint Cornwall. I was starting to feel a whole person again, I had purpose, goal and passion, I was helping others and I was getting things done.
My main learning over these years is that its not just one thing that makes you happy, no silver bullet that will do the trick. Its a balance of ingredients that go into making people happy. I feel incredibly lucky now to have someone else in my life who had lost her husband a few months earlier to me losing my wife. We started as friends, became grieving buddies and then went into a loving relationship. What we have is very special, but it is a big lovely part of our fabulous joyful recipe for happiness. You need the 'mix' in order to sustain your happiness.
In the words of the Dalai Lama, "Happiness is not something ready made. It comes from your own actions". When I coach someone I now use this model to help them to find greater happiness in their lives.
This is the MAGIC HAPPINESS MODEL that will provide the foundation for all posts and coaching workshops going forward.
Let our journey to happiness begin.
No comments:
Post a Comment